[tobeafamily]

1.) How are you connected to adoption?

Parents through fully open domestic adoption

2.) Do you do anything special to celebrate national adoption month (Nov.)?

Participate in forums on adoption, donate 3 adoption related books to local library, ask library to set up adoption related display.

3.) When growing up, did you know anyone connected to adoption?

Yes, family friend ('Aunt') was an adult adoptee who reunited with bfamily about 2 years after we met her.

4.) If you can remember, when did you first learn about adoption as a child?

When we met 'Aunt' and she explained how her family was.

5.) In high school, did you know anyone who had a baby and placed?

Did not.

4.) Anyone in your family, other than you, connected to adoption?

Yes, cousins are parents through waiting child adoption.

5.) When adopting or placing your child, did anyone say rude/ignorant comments? What were they? If you are an adoptee, have you received rude comments?

Oh yeah. Lots of the standards, nothing too out of the ordinary. Wait - one, from parents through international adoption when we told them our plans 'so, you want a white baby then?' ARGH!

6.) If you had to do things all over again with either placing your child or adopting, what things - small or large - would you do differently?

Nothing, actually. The journey is part of it, I wouldn't be the person I am without it and I like who I've become.

7.) How has placing/adopting your child changed you?

Calmer, more focused, warmer, more tolerant, priorities have completely changed.

8.) How has your views changed on adoption since placing or adopting your child?

I've gone from cautious participant to vocal voice. I wouldn't say I'm 'pro' anything except advocating for health in all members of the triad.

9.) Do you have a closed, semi-open, or fully open adoption?

Fully open, integrated, we're like an extra-large family.

10.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the toughest thing about it?

Keeping track of everyone LOL...seriously, I think the toughest part is keeping my 'opinons' out of the family dynamics regarding Ryan's bparents....I hear lots of views from brelatives and I must keep out of the politics for Ryan's sake. Also, making sure my family behaves appropriately...one of the best moments with my Mom was when she flatly said 'OK, picture with all the grandparents' and called Ryan's bgranddad over to get in the picture. It was a huge step for her and I was overjoyed for all of us.

11.) If you have an open adoption, what has been the best thing about it?

My son will understand how much he is loved.

12.) What has been the greatest lesson you've learned about the other side of the triad? (example: If you're an aMom, what have you learned about bMoms)

We are all on a path together and we are here to learn from each other. His bfamily has taught me so much about life - tenacity, commitment, finding solutions where none are apparent, all sorts of things. That and it is so important for my son to undertand why his life is the way it is!

13.) Name your biggest pet peeve in the adoption world?

Selfishness!

14.) If you are a birthmom, would you ever consider adopting a child? Why or why not?

If I were unable to do the very best job I could, you bet I'd find parents who could.

15.) Are you satisfied with the adoption agency you placed/adopted through? Why or why not?

Yes, loved them. They introduced us to open adoption and have been fantastic counselors, supporters, and disciplinarians!

16.) Do you currently attend a support group or receive any counselling through an agency?

We did attend support group before Ryan came. It was great.

17.) Name a disappointment you've felt after placing/adopting:

I miss going to movies, reading books, and sleeping past 7 am.

18.) Name a misconception people (family,strangers) have about you being an adoptive mom or birthmom or adoptee:

That I'm some kind of saint or saviour. I explain that they saved ME!

19.) What books, magazines, websites, articles, links, etc ...have you found most helpful after placing/adopting?

Raising the Adoptive Child by Lois Molina, The Baby Book by Dr. Sears, Adoptive Families Magazine, Parenting with Love and Logic, The No Cry Sleep Solution

20.) Write anything you wish here:

Thrilled to have a forum where we can talk about all aspects of the triad without 'soliciting' and politicking! Moderators do a great job.

I wish there was more understanding between international, domestic, and foster care adoptive parents. Too much defense, not enough trust or compassion there I think.

:-)

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas