[tobeafamily]

HI Lizette & Welcome,

We adopted our son through domestic parental placement (AKA private) adoption 18 months ago. We have a fully open relationship with his bfamily that is working very well, partly I think because we're used to having 'family' that isn't blood related and partly because we all like each other.

There is no risk-free way to be a parent, including biological parenting. Among the three primary ways of adopting a child, each carries it's own risks and benefits. It's really a matter of which risks you can handle, which you can't.

In international, you have risks associated with bureaucracy, risks associated with fraud, risks associated with travel, risks associated with neglect/abuse/institutionalization, risks associated with medical care, including prenatal care, possible risks associated with parenting transracially, risks associated with finances/fees.

In domestic parental placement, you've got risks associated with potential bparents changing their minds, risks associated with bureaucracy, may have risks associated with travel, may have risks associated with prenatal medical care, risks associated with finances/fees.

In waiting child/foster care you've got risks associated with bureacuracy, may have risks associated with prenatal care, may have risks associated with abuse/neglect, may have risks associated with travel.

I recommend people ask themselves these questions:

1. How important is it that your child share your ethnic heritage?
2. How important is it that you parent a newborn?
3. How comforatable are you parenting a child who may have been exposed to neglect/abuse/institutionalization (which may or may not be known)?
4. What fees are you comfortable paying?
5. How willing/able are you to travel?
6. How comfortable are you talking with others about your desires, lifestlye, values, and interests?

There is no one BEST or RIGHT way to pursue your plans, just what is best for you.

Best of luck,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas