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Expectations and Stories.
I totally agree with no expectations. The first thing to remember is that they are, whether birthmother or adoptee, from two different worlds at this point. So, yes, there will be things you do not like. Second is to remember not to judge on what others tell you.
A good example of that is something my baby sister asked me at my father's funeral. She wanted to know why I relinquished my daughter. When I asked her what she had heard, I was amazed to hear that my father had told everyone that I just decided I did not want to bother - after a three year custody battle - and that my mother still believed that I just abandoned her at an orphanage. Over the years I have heard many stories from different family members regarding why I relinquished - none of them true or even realistic. Sadly, if my daughter contacts my family, those are the stories she will hear.
I recommend that you not listen to the stories from people that really don't know - no matter what they pretend to know. Ask the person that really knows - your child or birthparent.
I do have a question for adoptees on something that was said. Is the fact that a birthparent is broke or in debt really an issue? I am curious to know how many think that it is something that first they should even consider their business and second that is important to whether a personal relationship is formed?
Bright Blessings
Moira
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