|
Hi Joan,
We have 5 children - three were adopted from Kazakhstan in 2001. They were 9 m, 23 m, and 33 m old at the times of their adoptions. We had some attachment issues with our 23 m old that have been completely resolved. Our 33 m old had very minor issues.
The biggest issue with our 23 m old was her lack of stranger anxiety. She would go to anyone and want to be held. After three months of not feeling like her mother, we decided to be proactive in helping her attach to us.
We stopped allowing other adults to hold her - yes, even grandparents. No one else held our daughter for 8 weeks. My husband and I concentrated on her by doing everything for her. We did not allow others to give her foods, treats, candy, etc. No one was allowed to tie her shoes or help with her coat. We instructed our family to tell her to go to mommy and daddy to help her, feed her, etc. After 8 weeks of this, she was a different little girl. Of course, we rocked her each day before naptime and at bedtime. We hugged a lot and held hands.
It took approx 7 months for her to fully attach. She is 4.5 yrs now and doing awesome. We took a positive approach about this and described it as "teaching her what mommy and daddys are all about".
Was it hard at times?? YES!!! I realized during this process that I was also not fully attached to her yet. Its all a learning curve and takes lots of time and committment. Even after she started attaching to me, I still needed more time to attach to her. It took me about 8-9 months.
I hope I have helped in some way. Please feel free to stay in touch!
Best of luck!
Pat
|