[tobeafamily]

Some of our family I think was uncomfortable with the idea at first, there was still an element I think of fear. My Mom even asked 'what if they want him back, could that happen?' and did not want us to leave Ryan alone with his bparents for fear they'd steal away in the night with him.

Ryan's adoption was always planned as very open, so most of the uncertainty around that was resolved around the time of his birth (though not always easily). We do emphasize that what we do, we do for him, not for ourselves or for his bparents. They made the same commitment.

We have a good family friend who was adopted in a 'closed' adoption, and had many issues around this as she grew up. She met her bfamily when she was in her 30's and was much more, well, at peace then. I reminded them of M's experience and stressed that we never wanted Ryan to get caught up in the 'whys' and the 'what if's' that she did.

Ryan's bgrandad and his wife came to his 1st birthday party and integrated quite well. My mom, the terrified one, did a fabulous job making them feel welcome and part of the family, even insisting that all the grandparents take a picture with Ryan. I nearly cried, I was so moved because I understood how scared she was before.

A GREAT book to give to your friends and family is "Adoption is a Family Affair: What Friends and Family Must Know" by Patricia Irwin Johnston. I'd review with them in advance who she is and give pointers on ways to talk with her. I suspect she'll love hearing how your child has grown in the past year, hear the funny and loving stories, meet them as people. If you have someone coming who's good at helping 'strangers' integrate or is the 'social butterfly', ask them to specifically go to her and help her feel included.

Just some ideas.

Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas