|
a help
Idea that I have seen suggested on other sites to prevent the "promise and flee" syndrome we see too often in adoptive parents (once is too often!)
1) choose a family that is already parenting a child through open adoption and ask to speak to that child's birthmom. That way you can see if over the years they have in fact kept promises and are trustworthy. Remember, that child and your child will be brother and sister for LIFE ... probably that other birthmom will be at every major event that you attend in the life of your child. Do you like them? Can you get along with them? Can you accept the other child as a full sibling to your child and treat them as such?
2) Ask for and exchange all identifying information ... ie, SSN, places of employment, addresses of them and their parents. Obviously this takes alot of trust on their part for them to give you this information, BUT remember, you are entrusting them with your child.
3) Sometimes adoptions close up, not because of the fear of the adoptive parents, but because of the extreme pressure they feel from extended family. ASK about how extended family feels, ask to meet them if possible ... watch family interactions happen. Can you imagine being a part of that in the future?
4) Take into account that lots of adoptive parents want and hoped for openness and their child's birthparents arent willing at this time. If that is the case, ask to see proof that they have tried to keep contact going.
5) SPELL out in writing (preferrably THEIR writing) what you expect in the way of contact, what they are willing to agree to. Have it signed by THEIR pastor, priest, lawyer, grandmother whoever ... Everyone is right ... it is NOT considered a legal contract... Call it a HEART COVENANT (a committment from one set of parents to another) And one day, God forbid, if they do close the adoption, you would have something to show the child that in fact they failed to model integrity.
|