[HappyMomAnna]

AMom2Two, I agree with you it has to be heartbreaking to believe adoption is going to happen to only have it fall through. I know that if our children "legal-risk" were to be removed there would be so many more things that we would have given her....and I think that considering this fact you are correct the little girl should not be punished for something she had no controll over....If dad does not want to take her things he will have to deal with the issue on the otherside.... I sure wouldn't want to be remembered as spitefull this little girl has experienced a lot and these memories will last forever at her age.... AND what if things do not work out....it does happen and I have heard of children in this situation going beack one more time to Foster Care... While we wouldn't want this it could happen. Foster family may come back into her life and I personally would not want her to have bad feelings if this did happen......

ladyjubilee,
I can respect the needs of the Foster Home to keep general items...I didn't expect the car seats, crib or items for general use.... but, I did think it might have been nice for our baby to have the bottles he had been using and maybe some toys that were comforting to him...
As for the things Foster Families purchase I see a fine line between "houshold" items and those specifically for a child... I don't know about other states but I do know in Oregon when a child is placed the Foster Family recieves a one-time check for the initial needs.... Only one Foster Placement can use these funds and they are supposed to be used to purchase clothes and things the children need.... Given that these funds are generally used up by the first placement one would assume anything still fitting would go with the child and not be kept for future children...
In our case we took home two children with one bag of worn out things.... The children had been in the home for a mere 9-months and the state had provided over $900.00 for "things" I have a hard time believing were outgrown and worn out when we picked them up.... I also know because until the adoption is final we are Foster Parents and the money we are paid is to be used for these children and their needs only.... I know the suplement is not much but one would assume there might be a few things to show for the states money? Or maybe I am wrong and the money is actually income?
Either way I think it is all about the best interest for the child.... and if we say we love a child enough to want to adopt then I think it is to be expected that we would not want to consider this as a messy divorce....
That implys an end of love and I have a hard time believing that this mother does not love this child... I would still look for a way for the little girl to feel she has taken "her" things on. Maybe those movies will help her when she grieves the loss she will have when she moves on.... Maybe something silly to us will mean the world to her.... do you remember being 10?--I do.