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First off I think the state was wrong for using those words in the child's life book.
How often do your children look at the books? I made my four adopted kids life books and they hardly ever (maybe twice in two years) have asked to look at them. I have two teens, a four year old and a seven year old. I would NEVER read anything like that to children as young as my youngest two. It places an idea in their minds that they were not important to their bmoms. Kids get part of their identities from their parents. Those words would be a stab to their egos. I would put the books away for when they are older and make my own life book for them. Include in that book how much you wanted a child, how thrilled you were when the agency told you about her, and how much in love with her you were when you first met her. I'd say how happy you are that she joined your family and how much you love her and want to take good care of her.
My children's moms have mental health issues. I have explained to all of them that mental illness is no different than physical illnesses. "There are chemicals in the brains that are missing and they need to take medicine to help the chemicals work. Sometimes people choose not to take those medicines and they decide to take other drugs or alcohol instead. The drugs and alcohol only make their brains sicker. So they can't take care of any children. Sometimes those drugs and alcohol are very hard to stop taking. Sometimes the people choose not to stop taking them and sometimes the people can't stop taking them without help from doctors. For whatever reasons, your parents weren't able to stop taking the drugs or alcohol." We always pray together that the children's moms will be healthy one day. I never speak badly of their moms as people, I only talk poorly of the choices that they made. NEVER would I say that their moms chose anything over them. I tell them that their moms love them in their own way. That some people aren't able to love anyone the way we all love each other.
There's no rule that says that children can only have one life book or that the state's life book has to be shown over and over again to the child. Some of the workers have no idea what they're doing. The one's I've dealt with are young, inexperienced in life and social work, and don't have kids. You are the children's mom and it's your job to make sure the kids grow up with self-esteem. Shame on the workers who put together that life book. I'm glad the kids have found you.
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