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I know you wanted to hear from adoptees, but as an adoptive mother, let me say that telling your child that his mother "was a crazy drug usere who didn't care about you" would most definately hurt them.
I would hope that you would, age appropriately, explain to your children that sometimes people take drugs because they are in pain, have been hurt, or for other reasons, have made bad choices. Because of the drugs, the parents were unable to take care of ANY child. I always tell my kids that I'm sure your bmom loved you, after all, you are such a loveable child. But she didn't take care of you the way a child needs to be taken care of.
By telling your child that their bmom didn't care ABOUT them, you are giving the child the message that they are unworthy. You are also making a judgement about the bmom that probably is untrue. MOST parents do love their children. The kids who are in the system have parents that have made really bad decisions. We don't always know why, but I betcha that a lot of times the parents were victims themselves.
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