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Yikes, all this over a misunderstanding! I am a veteran of different boards depending on what my interest du jour is. DD, DH, etc are common abbreviations, I was more concerned aboutr DN#1 and #2 not being understood.
Okay, so here's the update. We got a verbal assessment today, the written report is not in hand as of yet. The therapist is recommending outpatient treatment, so he stays with my parents. I had to sign a diversion agreement meaning that basically he's pleading guilty and that he'll go through treatment and follow all the rules of probation and they won't try him and he won't have a record. It was hard for me to sign it, I love him but part of me felt like I was betraying my daughter. In no way does any of this mean that he's coming home however. That is disussion is for another day, a good year from now. Basically his probation officer said "if", meaning that DD's counselor may never feel it's appropriate. I feel better that at least we have the assessment and have a course of action.
Jensboys: Thank you, the more research I've done I've learned that I did do something right, for her to come and have told me immediately says that she is aware, that she is confident, she doesn't have guilt or shame and that she trusts me. My husband is feeling a little hurt because I'm the one she talks to, but we are close.
So we continue on, day by day. my daughter and nephew of course are not allowed any communication, this makes all of us think about the holidays. My other nephew, the 13 year old misses his brother. The boys had a very messed up early childhood, domestic violence, substance abuse in the home, neglect, abuse, possible sexual abuse, and the only person these boys could count on was each other. This is the first time they've ever been seperated. He has bad days, but I'm trying to give him extra love through all this and I"m hoping he'll find his own room to shine, he's always lived in his brother's shadow. The older brother is an overachiever, gifted athletically, smart, good looking, he's always gotten a lot of attention, the younger one is quirkier and less gregarious.
My thanks to you all for your help, just talking is a relief, getting ideas and options is great. I don't know what's going to happen long term. I don't know where my nephew will end up. But there are choices he's going to have to make. We've sacraficed a lot over the years for him, for them. I'm stilling willing to work on it, but my sacraficing days are over, and I will not sacrafice my daughter's safety. Until my daughter, her therapist and his therapist think things are coming together then he'll be housed elsewhere. If my parents cannot keep him longer then we'll have to find foster parenting.
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