This message was originally posted by
Mike.
I like to use my police analogy. Many years ago, like most good-intentioned police officers, I wanted to get to a serious problem quickly. After a few near misses in traffic, I began to realize that if I crashed, I not only wouldn't be able to help them, I would make the matter much worse. It would divide our small communities' emergency resources, spreading them too thin to be as effective as they should be. Since then, I slowed down to make sure that I didn't crash and was able to help.
Too often with these very needy children, we drive too fast - taking on too much. Keeping this analogy, you are also driving in a lot of traffic. There are too many opportunities to crash. She will not let you slow down. Crashing seems inevitable. Your whole family will suffer. It's best to give her to another driver who has less traffic.
I can't say much more to ease your guilt other than it's something we all deal with. We can accept it or beat ourselves up forever on the what if's and should have's. As far as telling her, you know best. She may actually be relieved. We've had some foster children purposefully disrupt placements to take a chance on getting something better.
When she leaves, plan something to rejuvenate your family. Something that you enjoy and fits with your family identity.