This message was originally posted by
glk.
We are in the process of adopting a sibling group (ages 8, 7, & 15 mos) and have an agreement with the birthmom allowing her phone contact & personal contact (alternating) every other month; however she has moved to another state and the personal contact may not happen all that often. She has to contact us first to arrange the times, etc., for her visits and they are all at our convenience. We have tried to contact the dads but haven't heard back from any of them so right now we have to assume they don't want any contact. It's unfortunate for the two older kids, as they know their dads and would like to keep track of them!
The relative we are having the most contact with is an aunt who had been a relative caretaker for the two older children for over a year before they were placed with us. She made the choice to not adopt all of them and to have the placed with us, and we have an open arrangement with her. She is part of our family for all family functions and is our respite caretaker for the kids. It has worked out great for her, us, and them. Unfortunately, this is a very rare situation - she's a stable, caring, competent young woman who just knew she couldn't take on these children in addition to her own.
I do believe some contact is better for the kids; at least if they know and have ongoing contact with the bio family members you have less trouble dealing with the "fantasy family"! Our older adopted son had a wonderful fantasy family and it took alot of therapy to show him just what his bio mom was really like!