This message was originally posted by
Matthew.
If you have visits you have to set the ground rules and keep to them. We have adopted a 9 and 12 yro and the birth parents keep phone contact BUT at our discretion. The birth parents are very low functioning and have the impulse control and social maturity of an 8 yro. You have to reiterate ground rules and proper boundaries on a bi-monthly basis.
Our daughters are doing fine. And have transisitioned completely. One thing we have noticed is that when they have had contact with the birth parents they are repulsed by their lack of hygeine and overall appearance. That has worked to our benefit and is a good chance to discuss personal care and responsibility.
The only thing we have had to deal with were very immature co-dependent foster parents that were not policed by DHS very well. Just lay down the rules with them also so you don't have to deal with birth parents and immature foster parents.