The biological father of my foster child has passed his homestudy and is now allowed contact (letter, pictures, phone calls). Although officially he has not been approved yet, all indications are that my foster-daughter will go live with him in 5 or 6 weeks.
Her emotions are fluctuating back and forth from happy excitement to be going to her Dad to being sad about leaving me.
She announced last night that all the videos I've bought her belong to her and she's going to take them. I told her she could have half, and she told me she would be willing to let me have Treasure Planet. I feel like we are going to have a messy divorce!
What is hers and what is mine? Although she does not know it, I am in the foster-to-adopt program and want to adopt a child. When I was first matched with her, she was supposed to have become adoptable in August, but just before she moved in her father started meeting all the requirements so I've known from the start that she would most likely not become adoptable after all.
I planned to send all her toys with her, and of course the clothes I've bought her, but I didn't expect to have to give up all the videos, because presumably I will soon get another kid, and frankly, those videos add up to a lot of money!
I talked to her Dad and he is willing to take the fish, I am happy to send that with her! I flat out told her 'No Way!' when she said she should take one of my cats. Luckily there are two cats and two dogs in her Dad's home, so she is easily reconciled with that.
Should I ask her Dad if he has any of the same videos? Should I hint around that he should buy copies for her? Should I even admit to the R rated ones (she's only 7, but from previous neglect in the mother's home has a much broader variety of 'favorite' videos than a regular 7 yr old)? (I'd be happy to let her take Creep Show and Blade II)
Does she get to take her SpongeBob bed sheets?
What about books, how many of the books I bought does she get to take?
Should I hire a divorce lawyer?
Any suggestions for transferring attachment and stuff like that, she has alternated between hugging me and not letting go, and trying to give me favorite things of hers to 'remember her' by, and then she'll go the other way emotionally and be mad that she can't pack up and leave now.
She is also saying mean things sometimes about her mom (real mom) and her stepdad (the only father she's known, she hasn't been with her biological father since she was an infant).
She's also making up all sorts of stories about how she and her biological Dad used to do this or that together and how her mom took her away (it might be true that her mom stole her away from her dad when she was a baby, I don't know the details, but the pictures the dad sent include him with her when she was a baby).
My foster-daughter is between therapists, and I don't know if there is anything I should be saying. Should I not let her say mean things about her mom? Should I correct the stories she is inventing about things she used to do with her Dad?
Her bedtime prayer up until now has been about going back to live with her mom and her half-siblings on her mom's side. She's been too excited the past few days to remember to say a bedtime prayer, but obviously it is going to need to be different. Should I leave it up to her to invent, or should I try to help her come up with a new one that shifts emphasis to dad but doesn't forget mom, stepdad, etc.?
Are there any good children's books that concern divorce that might be appropriate in this situation?