You know, I try to be cautious in giving advice in this forum. I try to speak from experience and what I know, and to avoid simply sharing opinions or being judgemental. Still, I'm not sure exactly what will come out here since I can't quite get a grip on how I feel about your post.
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". . . and don't want to settle for 2 boys just because they are wonderful. It's just not our dream... HOWEVER, we would love to keep the boys as long as we can and have even talked about when they are grown up and reach the age of 18."
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Settle??? Not your dream??? Do you really understand what you are saying? Do you really hear yourselves?
What about the dreams of two little boys to formally and permanently be part of a family? Belonging is one of the greatest human needs. I may be missing something, but if you have no intent to adopt them, let them get out of your home and on to somewhere else where they might have a chance. If you feel that it would be "settling" to include them as family then you can say that they are "wonderful" all you want, but they will still get the message that they are second class citizens in your home.
No more playing deaf in the car, or anywhere else for that matter. You've told us, so tell them. The next time they ask if you are going to adopt them go ahead and tell them no, and then share the reasoning that you shared with us.
Well, I think I know now how I feel about your post. I know that this won't do anything to improve your mood, but I honestly can't understand your attitude toward these boys. I'm not saying that you should or have to adopt them, but something has got to give.