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My hubby was distant in a way too, but his was pure fear. He was so madly in love with our son and he was preemie and fragile, and on top of it hubby was terrified something would go wrong with the adoption before it was final. His way of trying to deal with it was to tell himself that he wasn't attached to our son. The truth is he was just as bonded as I was, but he was so scared of him either dying or being taken away before it was final that he couldn't cope with it. Neither fear was actually realistic, but he just couldn't take the thought of it and sort of shut down till it was final. I think that it's easier for women to express their fears, men feel it's unmanly to say "look, I love this kid so much and if I lost him I would die" so they just get distant.
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