[dl]

I've known you for awhile now, and I respect you immensely also. However, I agree with shirleyville's post. Many of us adoptees have found a different reality than the "coerced" bmother. Personally, I don't feel that a woman/girl that becomes pregnant at a time when she is unable to parent a child is necessarily "forced or coerced" by anything other than the reality of her situation. There was someone that posted this morning that she was "coerced" because she was 15 and would have been unable to provide even food or shelter for herself or her child if she had kept her child. Sad, yes. Painful, yes. Any choice in that type of situation, No. Is that "coercion"? Not the way I see it. It's making a decision based on the reality of the situation.

Many adoptees have discovered that we were the result of an extra marital affair. Perhaps our bmothers were not "happy" to relinquish us, but it does seem that they were "relieved" to have "their problem" done with. Part of their past. I don't necessarily think that shirleyvilles Mother is "terrified" of HER. I think she is terrified of the fact of her own previous behavior becoming known to her other children, as well as others in her life. I personally believe, based on my own discovery and the discovery of many other adoptees that post on the forum that there are indeed many bmothers that put the experience behind and did move on with their lives. They felt safe that it was behind them and when contacted, the desire to protect THEMSELVES and their reputation is more important than the needs of the child they placed so long ago.

I'm not making a blanket statement. I realize from my many months on the forum that there are bmothers that do long to hear from their "placed for adoption children". That is actually what encouraged me to search. But, I have seen many adoptees post with extreme pain that what they discovered to be their truth, was not the warm, loving bmother that they see post on the forum. I think it's important for all to acknowledge that other realities do exist.