[Sharon]

"those who relinquished freely don't usually join support groups, or post to forums like this. They were happy with the decisions they made, and continue to BE happy with them now. They don't have a need be out there seeking support or being active in groups because they are perfectly happy with the choices they made and have gone on to live wonderful, happy lives." ~ Shirleyville

Sally, I've known you for awhile now, and I respect you immensely. I agree that Babs's post may have been a "blanket statement", and I can see why it bothered you, considering your situation... after all, you KNOW for a FACT that Babs's theory is not applicable to your birthmother... therefore, such statements seem dismissive of you and other adoptees who did not find their birthmothers to be hapless victims of forced relinquishment, pining away for their lost children.
However. Your response was ALSO a blanket statement. MANY of us on this forum (I assume that's what you meant by "support groups") relinquished freely. I can't imagine that any human would be "happy" with such a decision... giving up your child forever because you are unable to care for it is no cause for celebration, regardless of whether or not you did it of your own free will. There may be some birthmothers who are more at peace with their decision than others, but come on... "perfectly happy"? "No need to seek support"? "Gone on to lead wonderful, happy lives?"
I think not. According to your posts, your birthmother is afraid of her own shadow, and TERRIFIED of you. Does this really seem like the attitude of someone who is "perfectly happy" and is leading a "wonderful, happy life"?
I'm not trying to pick on you, and I DO understand why you responded the way you did... but things are just not as black-and-white as some people would like to believe. It's not either/ or.
A birthmother can admit she relinquished freely, and still be sad and seek support. A birthmother can be in such deep denial that she refuses to admit (even to herself) that she ever placed a child for adoption... a person like this obviously would not be seeking out support forums, yet this doesn't mean she's "happy with her choice" nor that she's leading a "wonderful life".
There are many, many variations. A crisis pregnancy followed by relinquishment could not possibly be classified, however, as "happy" for anyone other than the aparents, and possibly the adoptee, who might be happy that she was able to have a better life than her birthmother could've provided her with. Birthmoms are not two-dimensional cardboard cut-outs. We are human beings, subject to the full range of human motivations and emotions. A person might have a child, give it up (by force or by choice), and at some point in her life feel happy again. But that doesn't mean that she's happy about having to make that choice. It's difficult and horrible, no matter how you look at it. It's a traumatic event. It's not something a person is going to look back on later and say, "Boy, what fun!" Because you live through something like that and survive does not mean that you're happy about it, nor that you don't NEED support, whether or not you actively seek it.
Best, ~ Shar