Hi Danielle, (and everyone else too!)
Welcome to the website....you are so right when you say there is a certain amount of comfort knowing you can come here and read everyone's tremendous love and care they show us/each other....you will probably find that you can go nowhere else to really feel this...at least that's been my experience....you can talk to your family, friends, pastors, anyone, and no one can truly understand what all this feels like, unless, they've walked in their/our shoes, like everyone here has!
I do truly love these threads, this christian website specifically, and everyone who so generously shares their stories and compassion and knowledge with us....I know I can always come here and see strong woman, obeying God's will for their lives and helping me through my personal journey....Who needs OPRAH?!!!! HA!!! Just kidding......
While my husband and I have no children yet--we are in the process of BEGGING another country to let us adopt a baby girl, long story, I just wanted to let you know that we will be keeping you in our prayers and please know that it is good that you have found the need to REST IN THE LORD! For what you are venturing into, is not only tremendously important and probably one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make, but it also involves so many people....like you know and are contemplating and can see already(!) your decision, regardless of it being just your decision alone (you and your husband's), it still impacts many, many people...you, your husband, your children, your father and how he reacts to you, the world (because they'll have their say so in it for the rest of your life and you'll have to always answer questions by other people--whether it be yes, I'll answer your questions or no I won't answer these private, family questions like "Oh they're adopted" "Oh they're not your biological child" "Oh, now which one is your adopted child and now which one is your biological child...").
Unfortunately, sometimes the world makes you feel like its not always a nice, warm, cozy feeling that goes along with these adoption decisions we make....it seems everyone has an opinion...not that they matter, but they do become a part of your life that you will have to decide how you want to address..and that's just the EASY part!!! HA!!
I can relate though to your question because while my husband and I believe we will be able to bring our baby girl home someday soon, we have now been placed with the question of do we want to also adopt ANOTHER, older child from this same country, at the SAME TIME.....
Last week we didn't even think our first adoption would go through, (our course our hearts believe that it will, but you know Satan...) and now this week there's a strong possibility that we will be asked to also, at the same time, bring home ANOTHER, additional child, quite possibly a toddler who we have heard about that has been abandoned by his mother and father...
So, kinda like you, we already have our first child (even though she's not home yet, we've bonded with her so much...) and think profusely about her and her future, etc. and now, quite possibly a toddler who's older that we know NOTHING ABOUT and we feel like you, what do we do??????
Of course, our hearts are saying yes, yes!!! But......
It all sounds so heroic and beautiful to take a child in that has been abandoned, but, as everyone has pointed out here, there is a reality to it....and like you, now, my husband and I have to seriously contemplate this....for our homestudy qualified us to adopt two children and now, the Dept. of Children is wanting to accomodate us!!!! We were initially told this couldn't happen, so we didn't think about it anymore, NOW we hear that they would like to do this quite possibly....and we don't know either.....
I told my husband we have to seriously pray and seek God's will for this and us because unfortunately, unlike you, we need to make a decision quick, since the government is kinda already looking for us and we don't want them to get so involved with finding another child for us, if now, we believe that's not what's best....
So, I can relate to your situation....I think, our families are good with us adopting this baby girl, but I think if they heard we were adopting this baby girl AND an older boy, they'd freak (sort of...) and everyone most probably be worried about that....and rightfully so....we're so confused now too!
One, cuz I'm a first time mom and do first time mom's usually get a 1 year old and a 3 year old at the same time,--no, and two, this is coming out of left field.....like I've always said during this adoption journey God has led us into, the ONLY thing I know is that I DON'T ever know what's going to happen next....so I try to keep my heart and my mind open to God's calling...it's not just His calling, for we feel we have it, but it's understanding the path that He is leading us down....certainly not a straight and narrow path--there's been alot of dead ends, but then you just turn around and start again, looking for a sign...
So, like you, we are in deep prayer and are needing God's grace and wisdom and I will keep you and your husband and your family in our prayers....
I do agree with everyone when they say there has to be a peace about your decision....of course, you'll be nervous, but it won't be a frazzled, what am I doing, this DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, kind of feeling....God will give you His glorious peace if something is right!
Not that it will be easy, but ....
God will lead us if we seek His face and His will for our lives...hang in there and "you're not crazy" for loving these forums!!!! I think we all do!!!
Chat anytime you want--we're all here for each other!!!!
Blessing always,
Melody