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Everyone is different
Carol
Very well said !
hugs to you - Snow
CHINA-
First my sincere sympathy for you - having a miscarriage has to be very difficult to go thru, I have not been there, but my sister had 3 and I know it was extremely difficult.
As far as your bmom forgetting your birthdate - I have talked to many other bmoms who have gone thru the same thing. It is not an uncommon occurance for someone to have "traumatic amnesia". Having a child and placing that child for adoption is a very difficult thing to do, whether you chose to place or were "forced" to by family, society, whatever. Given that you were born in the late 60's, even though your bmom may have made the decision herself to place you - most woman that made that decision were in essence "forced to by society", they were shunned by family - sent away to have babies. Sure you can keep your child but if you have no place to live, no job, or a minium wage job, no insurance, no one to help you - how to you keep and raise a child? Back then there were not the programs that are available now for single moms - help was NOT out there. Adoption was the only option for most. Single pregnant woman were not accepted!! plain and simple! There was No "murphy brown" out there saying it was okay!
Your comment that "I guess if it were me who had been through such an ordeal, I'd NEVER forget the date, let alone the YEAR!" Well you arent in her shoes, nor were you, so you really do not know what you would have done and how you would have tried to cope with the decision.
If you truly want a relationship of any kind with your bmom, my suggestion is - don't dwell on it. Some bmoms never remember the date, i've talked to a few who have mental block to weeks around the "birthdate" of their child, some cannot focus on events for a year surrounding the date. It does not have anything to do with the child personally - It is a "medical" issue. Some victims of violent crimes will experience the same "traumatic amnesia" it is your brains way of dealing with something it cannot cope with.
Also - many states have changed DOB on birthcertificates, especially back in the "dark ages of adoption" thru the 1970's and some still in early 1980's. So October might be the right month but date could be wrong on your amended BC.
Try and be a little sympathetic to your bmoms emotional issues with your DOB - tell her this is the day that was put on yoru ammended BC, so that is what you celebrate - If you truly want a relationship with her - dont worry about it!!! Invite her to celebrate with you on "your" birthday.
Let it go - move on - get to know her - maybe you will gain a lifetime friend!
My best wishes for you and your bmom
hugs
Snow
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