|
Danielle:
We have adopted six times and are hoping (Lord willing) that we will be adopting a seventh. Of those six, three have been 'older special needs adoptions', while three have been 'infant adoptions through private agencies'.
What Barki wrote is so very true. If you feel the leading and both you and your husband agree........then I feel the Lord is giving you the green light. However..........I would also tell you that what your father speaks is also very , very true; and that to adopt 'older children'.....even toddlers......can be a very, very different experience than infant adoptions or birthing children.
We have had one 'disrupted adoption' (a son) who now lives in residential housing and will continue to do so until age 18, because of the dangerous and violent behaviors he has to others and himself. He had just turned 7 when he came to live in our home...and the state did not lawfully disclose all the information they were to have done so before his adoption. His four year presence in our home caused more problems than I could possibly say in one post; and this was four years of therapies, Christian counselors. He created great problems that our other children (pre-teens at the time of his arrival) had to live with...and I do not think it 'added' to their upbringing.
Our next two 'older' children were 'just turned 3yrs and 6yrs' when they arrived. They have bonded as much as they can.....but the problems remain from the scars left from years of neglect and all sorts of abuse. While their adoptions would be deemed as 'successful'.......we were taught in our state classes that 'permanence and love' would conquer all. I even majored in psych, and taught/aided at a behavior disordered school. We love them; but have been surprised at the amount of work and 'going back to square one' their upbringing has brought into our family. They have been with us over five years.
I do not say these things to make you change your mind. I do not say these things to 'scare you'. I say these things so that....if you continue to pursue this, you and your husband will 'arm yourselves' with knowledge far beyond the state classes and will realize that:
---doing your homework about childrens' conditions before
any placements, will help immeasurably in all ways.
---realizing that these children---no matter how young---
all come with 'special needs'
----knowing that your love alone will not 'heal them' nor will
it always bring about improvements openly seen
until many, many years....or never at all.
My husband and I have talked to many couples who felt led to adopt older children....and certainly it may have been their calling. But, it is also very important to have realistic expectations, and that to realize in being 'called'......means a lot of hard work that may or may not be realized very soon. That it will require a lot of faith, prayer and persistence to believe that 'this is where you are meant to be'. These, I think, may be the reasons your father is afraid for you....and shows his concern in this way.
Good luck in whatever you do......and believe that certainly,...if this is what God wants for your family....He will lead and care for you within it. This 'being there for us'.....I realized more than ever during the nightmare with our one son.
Most sincerely,
Linny
|