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I hope that you are in councilling now. I am not sure what to offer as advice, perhaps if you can let your family members know how tramatic it is for you. There are allot of books one of my favorites is Birthmothers Trauma by Heather Carlini. That book tops all that I have read so far and really does give insight into a birthmothers trauma.
One thing that you and your family must understand is the hurt and the pain never goes away, it is not a death were you are able to greive, but losing a child to adoption in like a death. You will always feel that hurt and emptiness, but you can learn to live with it beside you instead of smothering you. I lost my son to adoption fifteen years ago, I was fourteen. I am now thirty and the pain is still there. I have however learned that its okay to feel that pain. Knowing that it is there helps allot. Do not feel shameful of it your hurt and anguish is a part of you. I never spoke of my sons adoption until after I had a nervous breakdown four years ago. I to was told that its better I move on and forget, I now know that its impossible to forget, dont let your subconcious take over. Always be aware of what you are feeling for your child. Hopefully you can speak to your family about how much this is bothering you. READ THE BOOK it will help you allot
Hugs
Melissa
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