Sunny,
Don't EVER "make things up" where your child is concerned!!
Even tho your child is very young, she is still a human being and deserves the same respect as everyone else -- and that respect includes the truth about where we came from. If you make something up, just to avoid dealing with a sensitive issue NOW, you will pay dearly for it LATER. Your daughter will be confused and you will also be sending her the message that you tell her very important facts about herself that aren't true. It can be perceived later that there is something wrong with them, and wrong in the way they came to be. It can be very damaging to a child's self-esteem to learn they have been deceived regarding their own heritage....and if that "deceiving" (even when done with the best intentions) comes from the people they trust most (you or your spouse -- grandparents or trusted friends), it can really build a lot of trust issues that will last a lifetime.
I would explain to your daughter that sometimes people make bad decisions....and I would give her some examples she can relate to when she, herself, has made some bad choices -- "remember when you broke the vase in the livingroom and then when I asked you if you broke it, you said "no"? Why do you think you said, "no", instead of telling me the truth? Do you think it was because you were
afraid to tell me? Did you think that if you told me, you might get in trouble or make Mommy mad? You were
afraid of what might happen if someone found out what you did, weren't you? Well, sometimes, this happens to adults (mommy's and daddy's), too. Sometimes, instead of doing what we know is right, we try to hide things, or we make some not so great decisions because we are
afraid , too. Everyone is afraid sometimes, and that may be what happened with your birthmommy. We think she was
afraid and scared when you were born and wasn't sure what to do. You have been afraid when you didn't know for sure what to do, haven't you? Well, sometimes, even mommy's and daddy's aren't sure what to do, either, and they get scared, too, just like you. Your birthmommy wasn't sure what to do when you were born -- she may have been afraid of getting in trouble or making someone mad -- just like you felt when you broke the vase. She made the decision to leave you some where (tell her where in a simplistic way), so that someone could adopt you and bring you home to live with them, instead of taking you with her....and we are awfully glad you came to live with us, and be our daughter! There were better ways that your birthmommy could have handled this, but just because she was afraid and made some poor decisions, doesn't mean she was a bad person -- just like when you were afraid and made a poor decison by saying you didn't break the vase, when you really did. You weren't a "bad person" when you made that decison -- the DECISION was bad -- but not YOU! WE love your birthmommy because she made you, and you are a part of her. We also love her because without her, we wouldn't have you with us today."
As time goes on and she gets older, you can elaborate on the story and you can explain to her that everyone has different ways of handling things -- just as different families have different rules and values. Her birthmom handled things differently than YOUR family would have handled things......but that you still love her because she is a part of your daughter.
I don't know if any of that makes sense......but that is how I, as an adoptee, would handle things. I would never make something up or evade questions, because I know, first hand, what that feels like later on. I would be telling the story as early as possible because as difficult as it may seem to you NOW, it will be a million times more difficult LATER. If you start now, it will simply be a "part of her"...something she just instinctively KNOWS, rather than some serious and scarey "sit down" when she gets older.
JMHO!
Best of luck and keep us posted!
Hugs,
Sally