[Archive]

Originally Posted By Linda

Kim, I, too, am a Christian, and can understand how you might be experiencing some possible feeling that "how could God forsake me like this?"
I'm a birth mother who has a son who has pulled back from the reunion, and sometimes that thought has entered my own heart. As a Christian, I have to go back and remember that God's word says that "all things work to the good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose."With that thought in mind, I had to examine HOW could my son pulling back possibly be used to the good? I examined my own surroundings in my life, and noticed that I was starting to have compassion for my daughter's son's dad. My daughter had a son out of wedlock ten years ago and my grandson's dad has always been a sore subject with me, as he never married my daughter, yet still wanted to have all of the benefits of being a dad. I carried that grudge for ten years...until my own son, who I met back in October, pulled away from me and I hurt so bad, I didn't think I could make it! But the hurt, made me look at my grandson's dad in a new light. He, too, didn't get to see his son very often, because my daughter pulls most of the strings concerning my grandson and his dad.I finally got a "clear picture" of what it "feels" like to be pushed out...rejected...having someone else calling the shots...not having a say as to what is happening. It's a horrible feeling, and I can impathize with you, just as I can also impathize with my grandson's dad, now. I could not possibly have a clear understanding what my grandson's own father was feeling unless I firsthand experienced those same feelings for myself. I would STILL be holding unforgiveness and bitterness against this man, had it NOT been for the fact that my own son pulled out of my life and then I had to experience these feelings. So, what I hope you will take away from this, is that even though things don't seem to be going according to what you want...God is still with you and he has not forsaken you. Start looking around in your life and see if you're seeing things in a different light on some issues that you thought were set in stone. I know I am. My son STILL doesn't appear to want anything to do with me right now...but that's okay. My grandson's dad and I are finally "friends!" After ten years! So something very wonderful and good has come out of this whole hurtful experience. It's all in how you choose to view what is going on in your life.
As much as you long to meet your birth mom, I long for that with you. In the mean time, look around and "see" what good things are happening in your own world around with the people you do have in your life. I can gaurantee that as a Christian, ALL THINGS DO WORK TO THE GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE....so be willing to search out what that good is in your own life. I wish I could be there for you...I'd give you a ton of hugs!
(((((Linda, a birth Mom)))))