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Sometimes birthmothers assume every problem that happens has to do with adoption issues. What you are describing sounds to me like an IN-LAW issue. Your daughter-in-law, a new mother and probably edgy from hormones and lack of sleep, takes offense at an innocent (though possibly unwise) letter, gets nasty, and your son tries to smooth things over.

Since I don't have other children, when my son found me I became a mother and a mother-in-law at the same time. I spend time reading the in-law boards on other sites just to see what the issues are, and it has been very helpful to me. I kinow have avoided doing some things that I might have done without thinking, that really could have irritated my daughter-in-law.

I am very lucky in my daughter-in-law. She understands that my son and I need time alone together and manages to disappear for awhile whenever I visit. But I also have the "advantage" that she HATES his aparents (for good reason) and I was a big improvement for her.

Hang in there, and maybe even apologize for the "whiny" letter. They were obviously stressed and didn't see the humor. Just let them have some time getting used to being parents. Your son wants to have you in his life and he will.