[Archive]

Originally Posted By Linda

My son and I reunited a couple of years ago and have met face-to-face 4 times since then. We have had a very loving relationship so far and I have been so happy to have him/his family in my life. In September, they had a baby, my first grandchild, and I got to hold him a couple of weeks later when I went to visit him. Around that time, communications between us started to slow. I assume it was because of the stress/time constraints from the new baby in their lives. Anyway--one day, in an attempt to convey that I missed them and missed hearing from them, I sent an email that was a little whiney and *****y (I said that I was getting really antsy that I hadn't heard from them in a couple of weeks and wonderred if they still loved me (I also put in right here that I realized that I sounded like his mother or even MY mother (ugh!!)!!). Anyway, I truly thought they would find my email amusing and would respond in kind -- well, I received an attacking kind of email in response -- one which said alot of hurtful things that weren't true. I didn't understand where this was coming from with my daughter-in-law. So I tried to explain myself and inquire as to what was the problem. She kept telling me that I should be walking on eggshells with them and that they didn't owe me anything (I know that!--we don't really owe each other anything!). My feelings were truly hurt. My son tried to smooth things over by sending an email the next evening finally ended up reminding me that that I had always told him that if he ever needed 'space' to digest all that was happening in reunion, to just let me know and I would step back a bit. He told me they just needed some space to get used to the baby and get their schedules worked out. I replied saying that if that was what he wanted, then I would step back and wait for them to regroup and that I would not be going anywhere -- I would be here when he was ready. Although my heart was breaking over this -- I knew that I could not hold on too tight. Since this time, I occasionally get an email joke from his wife, an ecard for Christmas and birthday. MY QUESTION TO ANY REUNITED ADOPTEES IS THIS -- I am getting really antsy to have some contact with him. I really NEED to talk to HIM-- talk about these issues that are bothering him, etc. Should I try to explain myself in a letter/email or just keep waiting, and waiting. (God, I feel like I have been waiting my whole life!!!). Anyway, any input would be appreciated. I have asked several birthmother friends of mine, but I wanted to get some input from adoptees.
Thanks so much