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Originally Posted By Denise

Shannon, you didn't explain your situation completely, but let me share mine. Before I even started the reunion process, I got married at age 18. I'm 32 now and still married. Through the years we socially drank. But for me the drinking started to become a 3 night a week thing. Then after a few years it was almost every night. Sometimes i would wait until my kids were asleep b4 I would drink. I was trying to kill the pain of feeling rejected by my bmom,though I didn't know it at the time. My adopted parents were both functional alcholics. I was a functional alcoholic for years. I always tryed to show my 3 children how much I loved them and they came first. I swore I would not cause them the pain I felt, I jumped through hoops to give them the life (material things, activities, etc.)that I thought would make them happy.My husband and I split up 3 years ago. We had a custody battle. I knew if I didn't win I would probaly kill myself with my drinking. I put on the great, involved mother show for the court. I won. When it was just the kids and myself my drinking really escalated. I got a DWI. I had never been in trouble with the law in my life.I was 30 years old at the time. It was a wake up call. I realized I had 2 choices. Give up my children to their dad and probaly kill myself slowly. Or stop drinking and realize I need to get my sh** together and live life, with my children. My husband and I reconciled after that. I did not want my children to feel the same abandonment I have felt all these years. I haven't drank in 2 years. Don't get me wrong, my life is not a bed of roses, but I am emotionally there for my kids.Like I said I don't know your situation, but life is too short. Whatever is causing you pain you need to work on. Your children need you.I just made contact with my bmom one month ago, and it is bringing up many emotions that are hard to deal with at times. But what choice do we have, deal with it or shove it back in our minds. Kids grow so fast. I hope your situation gets better.Take Care Of Yourself,Denise (When I really want to feel better about myself I turn on one of those crappy talk shows and see how messed up I could be! J.J.)