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Originally Posted By shannon

hi i just want to share and ask for some advise
i was adopted when i was 6 along with my birth brother who was 5.
i met my birthdad when i was 16 my adopted parents signed a concent allowing child and family services to locate my birth parents.i love my adopted parents but i always longed to know who my parents were and ask them why they did not love me what did we do..well i met my dad and things were good at first infact i moved in with him when i was 17..it lasted two weeks before his wife my step mom started to get all funny and started being rude well one day she blew it for me and my dad came home and asked me to leave because his wife comes first that day was on my 18th birthday.i left and moved back with my adopted parents
i didn't talk to my b dad for about 2 years after that
i met my b mom when i was 20 by then i was married and had 2 wonderful kids. my b mom was sober about 4 times since i met her and i hated her i think you see i tried showing her up by dressing better then her which wasn't hard talking about my babies and how much i love them and how my husband loves me..well about three months after i met her my husband left me for another woman...then my b mom got real sick and was in the hospital for a few weeks and never came out..i was mad at her for leaving me you see it was her i cryed all my life it was her that i have memories of and it was her who i blame my life for being so messed up ..well i some stuff happen that i can't share because to personal..but i could not handle things anymore so i gave up my 2 children it was only to be for a short time but in that short time i got so messed up that i realized i don't want my babes to see me like this and i can't have them getting all messed up because of me..
oh how i miss them
what i want to know is it ok to still be mad at my b mom it is like she left me all over again this time for good
do you ever get over it
i don't know what to do anymore
i think i am falling into a depression and it is like no one sees
i miss my mom so much i miss my babies so much