[Archive]

I am pretty angry right now with my bmom. I made contact with her (through a mediator) last year twice. She made it very clear that she didn't want anything to do with me. She told the mediator that she never thought about me once since the day she walked out of the hospital (ouch!). Wanting to give her time, I did nothing for about 6 months. In the meantime, I made contact with my bgrandmother (bmom is not aware of this). She & I have had sevral phone conversations, generally pretty friendly. But most of the effort for any type of contact has been made on my part (which hurts a little). My grandmother does not feel comfortable talking with my bmom about me -- she feels that my bmom needs more time. But neither of us seem real convienced that she will come around. My bmom's husband is (and always has been) aware of me and that I've made contact with both bmom and bgrandmother. He has seen pictures of me that I've sent to my grandmother. He has advised my grandmother not to bring "me" up with my bmom -- he says that my bmom would rather forget all about me. Lately, I've become quite angry that my bmom has not contact me directly (either by letter or otherwise). I've also started feeling jealousy and anger towards her because she had another daughter a year after giving birth to me -- a daughter who believes she is an only child. I want to know my birthfamily (especially these three key women who are a part of me), I want to know about my family history and medical history. I am angry that, at this point, my bmom is once again denying me this right. I am having a hard time understanding how she can be so cold and hateful. I'd appreciate any feedback from others who have experienced these feelings and any advise. Thanks for letting me vent!