[carrington77]

Ugh!!!! I don't know what to do anymore...It seems that just as soon as I start making any headway in terms of dealing with my son's relinquishment, something else happens to dredge my feelings of guilt or depression. I work at a school, primarily as a reading coach...even though its been difficult, I've really enjoyed the impact that I've been making with my students.

My problem is that earlier this week my supervisor told me that I would have to start teaching a child development class to my first graders. Every single week, a mom will be bringing in her baby...who just happens to be the same age as the son I gave away six months ago. I'll have to go over what it means to be a parent, how babies grow, and how parents bond, etc. All this week I had to take parenting classes to prepare with somebody telling me over and over again that when I have a child of my own, "I'll understand." I feel like its all just too much. Three women in my office are either pregnant, or just had babies.

I can't quit my job, not only did I make a commitment to my students and the community, but I'm still digging myself out of debt. I had to stop working because of my high risk preganancy and bed rest. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm being punished.