[Barksum]

but it must be sleeping with the cyber fishes now! Sorry!

The long and the short of my first post was this: we've been there too. People are just trying to make sure you "don't make a mistake" and have "thought it through". Often peoples' responses are to how THEY would feel about the kind of adoption you are contemplating, not how they feel YOU would handle the adoption you are contemplating. Just as I would react with pained disbelief over the idea of climbing Mt. Everest (double yuck! why would I even contemplate that?!) or even trekking up some small hill anywhere else in the world (more mildly yucky than climbing Everest, but still not in my top 1000 things I want to do) other people react to the idea of adoption in general, and special needs adoption more specifically. Since they are just hearing about it from you and are having to think about it at all they seem to automatically assume YOU haven't thought about it either.

I've chosen to pick the people who's opinions, philosophies and lives I respect and consider their advice, cautions and reactions. The rest of the people I just tend to nod and smile to, letting their reactions and opinions roll right off.

Professionals (dr's, therapists, etc. etc.) often react from their experiences with families who are struggling to meet the needs of their children. The professionals see the really tough things these families go through and are therefore pretty cautious. They often see the most severe ends of the spectrums, too. Or at least these are the cases that stick in their minds so of course they want others to "think it through". I also keep in mind that even the most respected professional usually only sees me in one capacity and doesn't know me all that well or see the scope of family life that is individual to MY family. They may have some good suggestions, but my DH and I are the ones making the decisions, not them. We have many advisors, but we make the decisions.

Didn't mean to get preachy! LOL Hope you aren't too discouraged. Adoption is often a hot topic, and special needs adoption is even hotter. Makes people react strongly, whether for or against. We have only had a small number of friends or family who haven't been hesitant to whole heartedly encourage us; most people express doubt, hesitancy or downright disapproval.