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It depends on what the adoptee is looking for. My children were older and removed from birth families for abuse. Only one has been able to truly forgive his birthmom and understands they would need to build a new relationship. The others want answers from their moms and apoligies and have expectations that are not realistic. Although I would stand by them and assist them if they wanted to meet their parents again, but I don't think it would be a good meeting. They may eventually get some answers, but they need to except that they may not. So it is attitude.
I'm not sure about a birth parent searching for an over 21, but my son(only here since age 16)was very angry when his mom called him at 18 to tell him what she did to him wasn't her fault(even though she'd confessed and served 10 years. She was not denying the act, just the responsibility). It was very damaging to him. This, again would go to how they intend to appraoch their children and what they hope to gain.
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