[clara]

Donna and Nancy,

I think this exemplifies exactly the kind of point several adoptees seemingly refuse to hear: bio isn't ALWAYS BEST and it is not always in the interest of the child to expose that child to all!!!!

We can discuss ad nauseum the pros and cons of the right to know who we are, but is it ALWAYS appropriate?

This is the kind of thing which triggered me to do on line research in the first place for the book I am writing on adoption and identity. The basis of the story I tell is different: but the underlying essence of what determines a person's sense of identity, once an adoptive context is discovered is the same as this child's story: What sort of identity basis is: we paid someone to have you for us, things didn't work out between your father/mother and me, we divorced, so we "couldn't" keep you/ no sorry, the truth is neither of us wanted you any more!.... just how nullyifying is that? Talk about feeling like an irrelevant object: where is any kind of identity in that - for the truth?

There are situations in which I sincerely do believe that children are better off never knowing anything about their circumstances of birth or anything about the people who conceived them.
The damage it can do and does is far too high a price for any person to have to pay. I think this is an issue most here on the forum are more comfortable not discussing at all.

One poster a while back posted how she wished she had never been told then she would not have wanted to search and would never have had to find out that her father was a murderer: Now she has that Truth to live with and integrate and deal with for the rest of her life: Was this knowledge really worth the agony she will be spending her life suffering? Not at all, in my opinion.

Truth, like reality is relative: is does not apply to everyone all the time and is not the genie in the bottle everyone wishes it were....

achap3 i take your point, but what if the surrogate does not want the child and was in it only for the cash? And then who can be sure she doesn't keep the child just for the right to child support and has no parental interest in being a real parent?

Lawmakers should be giving their own back yard a good hard look- this should never have been allowed to happen in the first place.

Nancy, with the apparent non-mentality of the adults involved I'm only too glad if there are no other children anywhere on the horizon.

I am not even sure these twwo people even knew/know what they wanted or want.