[Blue Irish Eyes]

Hi, Again,

Interesting questions, and good ones too. As an adoptee, I really appreciate the interest you are taking in studying the reunion matter in depth. From all I have been reading in regard to this, it is something to search deeply about before making the journey.

I have not had a reunion. My bmom is alive but so far has not answered any mail sent to her on my behalf by the CI.

Do I have anger at her or hate her? When I was a kid I thought I was supposed to be angry at her and not want to know anything about her because how could anyone just put a baby out like an empty milk bottle. But with maturity comes levels of understanding. So, no I don't hate her, and am notangry at her. That takes too much effort to be angry at someone I don't know and whose situation I don't understand, yet.

What do I want from her? I want the story of what happened to her and me. The way things are now with all the secrecy, it is as though the story is only hers. That is not true...I am part of that story only I don't know what happened. It complicates matters for me because my mom said one time that she " always felt my birthmother should have been ALLOWED to keep me" When I pressed for more of an explaination, mom would not share it. So she went to her grave with a secret about me and the bmom and left me hanging. After my dad died, then I went though a lot of hell and in the end decided to search. So I do have some non id info but I have very strong feelings that the family, with whom the bmom was "in constant communication" had a very stong influence on what my bmom did..makes me think it was against her will and the bmom was 23 when I was born....so I search for the whole story.

If I were to learn that my bmom was a good person and on hard times, I would want to find a way to help her. I have sent pictures and a letter to the agency for her should she ever get the courage to ask for it. So far, unless she concents, no further info about her or what happened can be shared with me.