[colin]

I may want to clarify my first post so here it is.

Are there are any other adoptees out there who experienced anything similar to the following? Please post.

It REALLY IS OKAY AFOR ANY bMOM to use the following term OR any other terminology she needs to to put into words a complex experience dragged through many time-frames. It does describe a self induced loss very well. I am not attacking nor trying to manipulate terminology.

As an adoptee I have a problem with the term "since I gave you up".

I would like to clarify It REALLY IS OKAY AFOR ANY bMOM TO USE THE TERM. But for others, a third party for instance, to use the term does not give the child a voice. But what is this really supposed to mean? It doesn't really validate any terms on the adoptees side of things. I feel that a third pary using the term does not describe the event with any justice to the childs part of the experience and therefor is incomplete.

It completely validates the birth mother yet leaves the loss of the child unexpressed. I am just trying to explain in words when the reaction occurred for me. Keep in mind, the reaction is what i wish to investigate and discover any adoptee-similarities. The reaction is an uneasy feeling I have for the child affected inside of me MANY TIMES I hear that term yetit may have nothing to do with the term, understand?? It sort of stops me like a wet brick wall. Am i wacked for still being 36 years old and still feeling unvalidated here?

I understand that proposing solutions is a very important step towards solution. But the terminology is a secondary issue next to the mystery or "key to the mystery" i have discovered in my reactions. The reactions are physiologically and emotionally real and i am qualified and have every right to verify their existance (especially here) and feel the need to discover more them.

Beth i wish to thank you for the past assistance you have directly or indirectly given me in other threads and your words are like nourishment here too.

Bmoms, You may already know how indebtted i am for making my present reunion a much smoother, safer place for helping me understand Bmom issues and for helping pull me out of a self-dug hole of ignorance.

It was just that last night i was walled again by the term and i know it is my issue. But i need a little help and insight from other adoptees or any one who can help me understand what i feel to be one of the few (hopefully) remaining prickle bushes in my brain.

Colin