|
"We picked you..."
I agree with Beth on that one ("out of all the babies, we picked you"). I can see how it would make an adoptee feel cherished and special, and it probably is truly the way many adoptive parents see it. I think it is an appropriate explanation for a very young child, and I hope my son was told something along these lines by his adoptive parents.
A five year old child needs adoption explained in a simple, positive way. If the circumstances of the adoption were less than positive, there is time to explain that when the child is older and can comprehend it. There is no need to burden a young child with the idea that, "Your birthmother couldn't take care of you, and we wanted a child and couldn't have a biological one." Even if that WAS the truth, a five-year-old is not likely to understand it, nor will it make a young adoptee feel very good about the situation.
I agree that adoptees should be told the truth about their adoptions, but I also think this needs to be done in a positive and age-appropriate way. There's nothing wrong with simplifying things so that they are understandable and unthreatening, especially when you are speaking to a very young child. We all do that with our biological children. We don't burden them by explaining adult situations/ emotions that they could not possibly understand. So I see no reason why adoptive parents shouldn't do the same with THEIR children.
"We chose you..." is only a starting point. When the child is a little older, they will begin to wonder, "Why was I there to choose?" and ask more questions. At that point, the adoptive parents can begin to explain adoption in more detail.
I don't object to anything that gives a child a positive self-esteem. It's not about "dismissing" the birthmother... a child that young simply can't understand the complexity of the situation and shouldn't be expected to try.
~ Sharon
|