I'll be the odd man out here I guess
My b-daughters a-families church friends threw them a FAB shower just before she was born...and Sharon (a-mom) asked me if I wanted to be involved...heck ya I did! I just wanted to go...I wanted to see all the nifty stuff...plus, I had met a lot of the ladies at their church because I had been attending with them regularly.
When we got there, Sharon had a pillow stuffed in one of my maternity shirts and it made for a nifty photo moment for everyone there.
What ended up happening (which I had NO clue about) was that everyone brought 2 gifts, baby stuff for Sharon and Marni, and "Shower" stuff for me
I had so much fun... one of the ladies had created and framed a wonderful adoption poem and gave it to me at the end...it was really touching...I have it on my wall even today...7 years later
Sharon and I have been best friends since the day we met...and we never had that "keep each other at arms length" thing I see so much of on these boards...I always thought all open adoptions were like mine...I can see that mine is truly unique.
I'd say, have your sister ask your daughter how she would feel being a part of it...each person is different...as you can see by the responses so far...most important thing, not every b-mom is the same