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I too am a birthmom from the 80's. I think many of us feel lied to in many ways. I also feel that this was the case because "open"
adoption was new and they were not equipt to handle them. Heck, They still aren't binding today even 20 years later. I think agencies offer what they weren't ready to deal with because we could go else where and get it. I think a-parents unsure of "open" adoption were told that they would have less of a chance of adopting if they wanted a tradional adoption. Because of the openness as birthparents we were told it was up to us if it were to be a secret. That really sets us apart. We weren't told to hide it but soon found out that we really needed to walk a fine line about who we told what to and when. Post adoption husbands and children problably know about our children but are really never acknowledged. Kinda like the elephant in the living room. We just kinda walk around it. We were allowed to grieve more so than the mom's before us but I think after a few months we were told to get over it. This is so much to digest that I may right more later. Anyone else feel like me?
Trout
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