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Where I live it's a safe community and I have a security system it's not activated just yet bc we just moved here but when the doors open it beeps several times to let you know someone opened the door. But I still have the fear and working through the fear. I never had any close friends except once and now she lives 4 hours away from me and we keep in contact. I don't have any friends to just hang out with and haven't for awhile. It seems when I get friends after a couple of months they just stop calling or coming by without explanation.
I have never been initially diagnosed with any disorder but I do feel i may have ptsd and other mental related disorders. I try to be happy but sometimes I just want to stay in bed and sleep which I can't bc I have 3 children that I need to tend to. But, if I could I would. I also feel when I talk to people they are judging me even if they're not. I have had people judge me and talk to me like I'm 3 in the past My oldest child has a grandmother that we have cut contact from bc she would try to control my life and every situation. Any choices that we would make she would down grade me in front of my children. My husband has legally adopted my son and since I was adopted initially I felt that contact with a birth relative would help but, that's not always the case and after dealing with her since my child was 18 months old. We just couldn't do it any more. This women likes to be in control and feel like she has all the power but, I finally stood up to her and told her how things were going to be by our rules. Seeing how she really had know right to him and we were allowing her to see him she did great for awhile and then it was back to her old ways. We cut our times with them once and then after 6 months I felt guilty and let her have contact with us again. Once again things went well at first and then she just acted like she could do what ever she wanted when she wanted in example I let my son go to his aunt's wedding and I said he needed to be home no later than 10p.m. since the next day was Mother's Day they said fine but when it came time for him to be home he wasn't I finally called and his step grandfather was drunk and his grandmother wouldn't talk to me his step gf told me his gmother was bringing him home and when he finally arived at 11:45 it was by a 16 year old girl I didn't even know and not to mention she only had one headlight. I was so mad that I cut ties once again and haven't had connection with them again and won't. She has threatened to take me to court but she has said that before she has always been trying to take my son away. But I chose to keep him and his father chose to sign him away. That was the best decision I could have made for myself. Sorry I went rambling on I'm good for that.
Any ways I don't recall you telling me where you live. You have been a great help to me. Also I don't think my family knows how much I love them and care for them I just wish I could show it more than I do. Maybe they do I dont' know. Thank-you so much and I know I didn't answer everything you wrote back but there's so much to say I could be writing for ever and I need to be going write now so I'll keep in touch. Take care.
sjcna
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