[sweetnoodle]

Ellenaber,

Guess what-- you are NOT a failure as a parent. Even now you are trying to remedy things through family counseling.

To answer another one of your questions, yes, I have been in your situation, exactly, but I was the kid! I am an adoptee, but I was adopted as a baby. My dad had an awful temper, and I wish someone had protected me emotionally and physically from him. It seems like you have been dragged into a no-win situation for yourself at least in regards to your feelings. Who wants to choose between their husband or children? No one.

I'm sorry for your pain. Seems like the children and the husband all need to take responsibility for their own actions. YOU haven't done anything. However, as the mom, you too, have certain responsibilities. Refuse to be the children's pawn or your husband's. Call it like it is to all of them.

I'm glad you love your husband. And I'm glad you love your children. They probably are exaggerating, but please remember that no kind of abuse is really "lesser" than another. Emotional abuse or verbal abuse or rage reactions call all be just as damaging to loved ones, especially children as physical abuse. They may not carry the same legal penalty, but as the mom, you have to address the children's needs in this. The husband is an adult who must seek out his own help.

Please don't think you are a failure. You would only be a failure if you sat back and did nothing. I can tell you love ALL your family. I wish you could find a support group in your area or online. You may also want to mail Dr. Art on this website.

Sincerely,