[ELLENABER]

My husband and I have two adopted daughters who have been in our home for approximately 4 years (they were 7 and 9 when they came to us)--they came from a background of abuse and neglect. My daughters and my husband do not get along very well and I'm sure the girls have issues with men from when they were with their birth mom, who dragged them from man to man to man. Their birth father was in prison most of their childhood and subsequently they've never really developed a relationship with a father figure. The problem that is breaking my heart is that my husband has a bad temper and has possibly used inappropriate discipline on the girls (though not in my presence). The girls have reported this to their counselor who is now telling me if it happens again she will report my husband to Child Protective Services. You cannot imagine how humiliating and upsetting this is for me. What's more, I know the girls have lied to me about things in the past and about incidents with my husband that they thought I hadn't seen or overheard. I'm not trying to excuse what my husband may or may not have done, but in all fairness, the girls have lied and exaggerated certain situations in the past. This is ripping my heart out and it's almost too much for me to bear. My relationship with my husband has been deteriorating anyway but we've been married for a long time and I hate to see it end on this note. I love my daughters and want to protect them, but they are putting a huge wedge between me and my husband. I couldn't bear for them to be taken away from me or to be accused of not protecting them. How in the world can I possibly salvage this situation? We are all in couseling and I just made an appointment with a family counselor. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Why do I feel like such a total and utter failure as a parent? Can anyone help or offer words of encouragement? I am beside myself with grief.

Thanks,
Ellen