Oh, it certainly DOES come right out of a Lifetime Movie -- and one of these days, I will write a book, for sure!
My A-Parents are lovely people -- very well-intentioned, conservative, upper middle-class folks who have given me a wonderful life. Are we "close"? NO. We are VERY different people. They are very conservative, very "in the box" kinds of people, who never communicate about thoughts and feelings -- especially if there is anything uncomfortable or unpleasant associated with it.
My parents told me I was adopted when I was little, but rarely spoke of it after the initial "telling". I asked some questions along the way, but was either shut completly out, or told that they knew NOTHING.
Last summer, my father apparently came over here to my house -- they live just a few minutes away -- when I was out, and told my husband that he wanted to tell him my "real mother's" name so that when he and mom pass away, someone would have it, in case I need medical attention. His caveat, however, was that if he gave the name to my husband, my husband had to swear never to tell me.
My poor husband!! He is a man of his word, and when he makes a promise, he keeps it, no matter what! He knew that if he got the name, he would never be able to tell me.....but at the same time, if he refused to give his word, the name might NEVER come to light, and would be lost to me forever. SO, he swore, and my dad forked over the name. I can't begin to tell you what a problem this caused. My husband was tormented by it and even grew to resent my presence, because each time he saw me, it was a reminder that he was keeping something of this magnitude from me. Eventually, when it became apparent that my CI had reached a dead end, he told me......but it came out in an ugly arguement and it will forever be a painful thing for us both. I am having a hard time getting past this with my dad.....he did an awful thing, in my estimation. He brought HIS "secrets" into MY marriage, and I think that is SO WRONG.
It shouldn't BE a secret....it's MY mother......but my folks are from the era where they were told that speaking about the adoption would be dangerous to the mental health of the child, so they kept it all quiet.
They have no desire to know anything and they won't. They don't know I searched or what I subsequently found out. They would FREAK if they knew a member of my birthfamily had wallpapered their house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love my folks, but like I said, we are just "different people".
Hugs,
Sally