[shirleyville]

No, actually, I had no contact with her.
My CI contacted her on January 14th of this year, and she immedaitely denied being the woman my CI was looking for. She denied it so emphatically, that my CI began to question if she really DID have the right person. My birthmom's phone is unlisted, and my CI had gotten the number from my aunt's husband, so she called him back, just to see if maybe she had the wrong person by accident -- but he confirmed. Puzzled and frustrated, my CI left her number with my uncle, and hung up.
The next morning, my aunt (birthmom's sister) called my CI and said that her sister knew, instantaneously, what the call was about, and that she had, in fact, lived in dread of receiving this call for 38 years. She panicked, and that was why she denied being who she was.
She asked my aunt to contact the CI and make arrangements to have my files sent back to the state and sealed permanently, which my aunt did. They were sealed within 48 hours of the initial call.
My aunt had asked if SHE could have contact with me, but because the state mandates that the birthmother controls all decisions with regard to contact, my aunt was denied any information. We were "allowed" to exchange a little non-id info....I was allowed to write a brief, three paragraph, non-identifying "thank you note" for her helping facilitate things between my CI and my birthmom, and she, in turn, sent me some very vague health information. "Some cancer, Some heart disease, Some diabetes, etc....."
I wasn't satisfied, and I went on to search myself. Utilizing Ancestry.com and some other genealogical websites, I located a surname message board for my birthmom's maiden name. I knew from my state provided non-id info that my grandfather was born in 1909, and my aunt had indicated that he passed away at the age of 59, so I came up with his year of death, and I just started digging around amongst all the people who were looking for information on their genealogy.....and out of sheer luck (or Divine Guidance), I found someone who was looking for her great grandfather, who had died while living in a town that was near to me. I took a chance, and e-mailed her, but her e-mail was old, and the message was returned as "undeliverable". Another woman had replied to the post in 2001, and I took yet another stab at it, by mailing HER. I had a response in less than 10 minutes! Not only did this woman know who my grandfather was, she was his cousin!!
She sent me to the public library to search out his obituary, and when I found it I was SHOCKED to discover that he was buried (along with his wife and eight brothers and sisters) less than TWO MINUTES from my back door!!!! Another SHOCKER was that my aunt, with whom I had corresponded, was someone I actually KNEW!!! Her daughter and I went to school together and had played on sports teams together. We even had carpooled, and she wallpapered my parents house a few years back!
I was BLOWN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I contacted her via letter.......and she was thrilled to hear from me, and shocked to know who I was -- BUT, because her sister had specifically asked her to not have contact with me, she felt she would be betraying her if she did. Instead of answering me directly, she contacted her daughter (my friend from school) and clued her in to the whole "big family secret", and asked HER to contact me!! My poor cousin! She was BLOWN AWAY!!! But she got ahold of me the very day my aunt received the letter from me, and she and I have had contact ever since.
She has shared some family pictures with me, and has filled me in on some of the family dynamics, which aren't all the best.
My birthmom is married to a guy who has an alcohol problem, and has been abusive. She had three kids -- my sister, who is 37, and has a different father than me, and my brothers....and two brothers, ages 33 and 31, who are her husband's kids. They all (including my birthmom) live within ten minutes of me and have, all my life.
Her kids have no idea I exist and she has no intention of telling them. She has NO IDEA that I am who I am, or that I live in the area, and no one will tell her.
They are a "protective bunch" and apparnetly, my birthmom isn't very stable, emotionally.
I've been by her place a few times....once on the 4th of July when I saw my ENTIRE family out in the yard celebrating.
I intend to let her know who I am and where I am at some point, but not until I feel that it is right. I feel I owe it not only to myself, but to her to let her know this information. If we were states apart and there were hundreds of miles between us, I might not feel that way, but we are both here, and it is amazingly hard for me.
I will caution you that "a scrap of information" leads to an intense desire for MORE. The more you find out, the more you want.....just like eating potato chips! I thought that I would be satisfied with knowing who and where she was, and no one could have convinced me otherwise -- until I found out. Once I had a name and a place, I wanted SO MUCH MORE!!
Keep me posted, and I will be more than happy to share with you anytime!
Hugs,
Sally