[Shoshana]

You wrote that you know you're not spending as much time with this child as you did with your son. I've read that if you hold the baby constantly (even with a baby sling), and spend excessive time interacting with her, that you'll begin to bond. I hear you say that you want to be fair to the child. Given that she has bonded, and others in your family have bonded to her, I think this holding & interacting activity is one concrete way that you can attempt to change things.

Psychologists know that it is almost impossible to change a feeling or emotion directly. For example, wishing you would feel differently typically won't work. In order to change an emotion, you need to approach it in an indirect manner -- e.g., by changing the behaviors (or thoughts) associated with the emotion. In this way, the increased holding and interacting, you are attempting to change the emotion indirectly via behaviors.

Best wishes...