[sarajayneca]

Susan,

You wrote this email in 2001. It is now year 2003. My husband and I just adopted a 5 month old girl from Guatemala. We have a son who is 6 (biological). I am feeling somewhat similar to the way that you described in your 2001 email. I worry that I do not love this baby (and am not capable of loving this baby) the way that I love my biological 6 year old. I feel as though I am keeping her from being with an adoptive mother who will love her as completely and totally as I loved my son at 5 months old. I never expected to feel this way. My husband is very upset with me and thinks that I am just not trying. He thinks it just takes time. This baby girl is verty beautiful, bright-eyed, and I know enough about babies to know that she has a wonderful personality. She laughs easily. She cuddles. She is vocalizing and is very observant. I have no reason to not be able to comfortable with her. I know I am not paying as much attention to her as I did my son. I know with my son I never worried that I wouldn't be a good mother to him. I am taking good care of her, but I am not falling in love with her. I have recently read about post adoption depression. If there is anybody else who has been through this or can help me get a grip on this, I would appreciate it.