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I think it can be very difficult for someone to give up the 'possibility' of a child through conception.
DH and I went through infertility TX for two and a half years - hormones, testing, 1 surgery for me (blocked tubes), etc. I abandoned TX after three IUIs because DH and I were no longer speaking and having zero fun. I simply decided that if it were between him and conceiving a child, I chose him.
I wanted to adopt 'right away', he was reluctant. DH is quieter than I - he didn't ask questions, didn't go with me to agency meetings, etc. I saw all these as signals that he 'wasn't ready' - which he wasn't. So I traded in the family car for a sports car, we travelled, etc.
Four years later, out of the blue he says 'so, what do we have to do to adopt?'. After I got over the initial shock, we got on the internet, did some research, saved for a year, then went searching. DS was born in April 2002.
I'm not sure why he was so reluctant, he never did say. DH was AD/USN until just recently (Retired), maybe he didn't want to leave a child on long deployments, maybe he didn't think he could love a child not biologically his as much, maybe he was scared it wouldn't work and we'd get our hearts broken all over again.
I am glad I waited though until he really was ready. I'm sure we'd never have made it if he wasn't 100% committed.
HTH
Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas
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