[Carol Bird]

I think her decision is very sensible, SSPete! Nineteen IS too young for the reunion rollercoaster. She's still a teenager and she's in one of the most important phases of growing up. She needs to FIND HERSELF before she discovers you.

We birth/first moms dream of reunion from the day of our child's birth, and 19 years seems a long, long wait to us. But, most Adoptees, though they fantasize about us most of their lives, and want to know us, aren't really ready for the stress of reunion.

Let her have her space right now. When she feels ready, she will contact you. Let her finish school, start a career, date, and maybe even marry first. Give her time to develop before plunging into reunion.

I KNOW how you feel. I yearned for my daughter all of her life. I vowed that when she turned 21 I would open all the doors to my identity -- but would not actively search. I wanted HER to want to know me enough to search herself.

In 1975 when she turned 21, I registered with the ISRR and A.L.M.A. and started my wait. Susan found me just before her 33rd Birthday. She presented me with my first grandangel at the time of reunion; an adorable five month old girl, and has since given me ANOTHER girlchild. Both are now in highschool and have known me all of their lives.

I'm a part of my daughter's life, and I had a good relationship with her Mom and Dad, siblings and A-relatives over the 17 years we've been reunited.

She once told me that she started a search when she was 18, but college and dating got in the way. She said that she thought about it again at 25, but life got in the way ... and grad school, and love!

Consequence ... I reunited with a very sensible, mature young woman who's hot it "all together!" I have a place in her life and have bonded strongly with my granddaughters.

It was WELL worth the wait.

Good luck and hugs,
Carol Bird, Birthmom