[shirleyville]

Rosieo,
It does help sometimes to hear someone tell the absolute truth! To hear you say that you didn’t think of your daughter every day (if you wanted to think of her everyday, you would have kept her) is one of the most refreshing pieces of truth I have encountered of late, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your willingness to be honest!
I was born in 1964 – deep in the heart of the “secrets and lies” era of adoption, and when I located my birthmom in January of this year, thru the use of a state-appointed CI, she totally denied contact. Initially, she even denied being the woman my CI was looking for, but then she contacted her sister and asked her to phone my CI the next day, admit that she was my birthmom, and then ask for the papers to seal my files permanently.
My aunt was very sympathetic to the situation, and offered to write out a short “medical history” for me and send it to me thru the intermediary. In the history, she mentioned that she was sure a day didn’t go by that my birthmom didn’t think of me – and I know that’s not true – at least not in the endearing way she meant it to be. My CI said that my birthmom referred to her call as “her worst nightmare come true” and that she had lived in dread of this day for 38 years. So, yeah, I imagine she DID think of me everyday, in some respects, but only because she was in such fear that her “secret” would be “outed”.
I don’t blame her for that….I am educated in the world of adoption, and I understand the practice of the day – “forget”, “move on”. She did that, and I can’t fault her for it. I am thankful she went on to have other children and build a family and a life for herself – I have always hoped that she would. It’s been my fondest wish, over the years, that she had someone to bring her flowers on Mother’s Day to make her feel special…..and that on Christmas morning, she had children around her tree to bring the magic of the season to life.
I can’t help but wish that she would have given me a chance….at least accept a letter or a picture from me, so she could know what is in my heart….but she was adamant that this was never going to happen. None of her children know I exist. We are all in our 30’s and they all live within 10 miles of me, but have absolutely no clue I am here. I have made it clear that they never need to know – that the letter would be a “one time” thing with no response required…..or that if she wanted to meet, we would never have to enlighten anyone, but I guess her fear and her pain are too deep.
Anyway, I just wanted to applaud you for saying what you did…..it is honest and wonderful, and I appreciate it more than you can know!
Hugs,
Sally