[Barksum]

If we had just left it with not agreeing with the RAD diagnosis we'd just be dead in the water, so to speak. However, we have pursued finding out more about FASD, which is what we believed the problem to be all along.

We researched RAD and attachment problems, but that didn't really line up with the behaviors we were seeing. We looked into Asperger's (high functioning autism) because so many of the symptoms that were similar to what we were seeing, but it didn't quite fit. We looked into "just" ADD/ADHD and found that THAT didn't quite fit, either. At this point I was beginning to feel like Goldilocks! Some of the symptoms and behaviors of each of the labels we looked into would fit, but it didn't quite line up correctly for the whole picture.

I went back to reading adoption books and the material that we had on hand and looked closely at FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorders) and felt that what we really had was, in fact, a child with prenatal exposure to alcohol who was dealing with some form of related brain impairment. I researched his casefile and found some documentation that his bio mom had consumed alcohol during pregnancy (Bio mom claimed six months sobriety when DS was around a year old). I contacted DS's former cw, who confirmed that PEA was HIGHLY probable. DS's bio dad also said that bio mom drank during pregnancy. Bingo!

This was all BEFORE we went to the children's clinic. When we went to the clinic and they said "RAD, no question" I was taken aback. I went back, read the DSM IV on RAD, and it STILL didn't fit with what DH and I knew to be going on. We have a child struggling to follow the rules and being frustrated because he keeps "messing up" -- he'd start out to do what he was told, but could never get it done AND he was upset and frustrated because he knew he wasn't doing it "right". This doesn't line up with RAD, where a child works to make sure that you know HE knows the rules and is CHOOSING not to follow them. Well, the list goes on and I've shared some of it in the first post on this thread.

The clinic told us that they couldn't determine FAE without written documentation from the biological mother. I have since found out that this is not accurate information. Perhaps in their paradigm of child assessment this isn't possible, but in reality (oops, that sarcasm is slipping through) it IS possible. Ok, giving the clinic the benefit of the doubt, even if I can't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that DS had ARND, at least I can document and "prove" that he has neurodevelopmental impairment, cause unknown.

This is the key that DH and I have run with. Since we know that DS has some form of neuro impairment, we went to a program that provides assessments, training and individualized "game plans" for working with children with neuro impairments. This just happens to be a program for children with fetal alcohol.

So even if we toss the label aside, they're addressing the problems that we see with our child and that's what we want. This program could provide help and support to parents with children who have autism, PDD-NOS, ADD/ADHD, etc., because those are all neurodevelopmental disorders and that is the main consideration of this program. The brain is functioning differently, what can we do to help this individual and their family learn to cope. Thus the idea is "trying differently rather than harder".

For us this has started with OT for the SI stuff, taking small steps with what we already know and making adjustments in how we the parents view what is going on. We know that DS has and extremely good long term visual memory. Long term, as in he remembers accurately events from 3 of his 5 years. We also know that he tends to be pretty concrete. We're working on it, but he is still pretty, well, concrete! LOL He is a visual, kinesthetic learner. Oy vey!

So since we know DS is visual, we've purchased a Polaroid and are making up photos for him to use to get things done. Like buckling up every time we get into the car. We are hoping that with visual and concrete reminders he will be better equipped to move through daily routines.