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I am not speaking from experience as my son has not told his aparents he found me, but I do have a couple of suggestions.

When you explain things to your daughter (and you should) don't tell her to keep it a secret from "Grandma A" just tell her that "Grandma A" doesn't like to talk about "Grandma B" and it would be kind not to bring her up.

You could tell your father first and enlist his help in talking to your mother. It would be totally unfair of her to lay a guilt trip on you but I know there are a lot of mothers who do that. The fact that you think she will makes me think that this is the way she operates about other things - the guilt trip I mean. How do you handle it in other situations?

In addition to emphasizing that your birthmom found you rather than the other way around, make sure you emphasize that you've known her for TWELVE YEARS and it hasn't made a difference in your relationship with your parents, so what do they have to be worried about?

Good luck!

Christiana